31/12/20 ###Because I meet Pal and Azham, I feel fucked

 OK fine, I stay up until 12:00 am.

Basically, I need to remain in isolation.  I need to focus on what matters.

Let's focus on 2 goals for 2021:

1. The first one is to lose 30 kg in 5 months
2. The second is to run for 1 hour every other day

In the meantime, I should avoid interacting with other people.

I'm not going to make any money with Pal.  As a matter of fact, I have no intention to go back into training.

I am happy the way I am.  I have cash, I am well-fed, I have time affluent.

The money I have is enough to buy the things that I need.

2021 I need to build my cash reserve of RM1000.

mm                                                                                                          

31/12/20 ^^^My new year message to myself

 10 Laws of Primal Blueprint

I don't know why but I had lost the ability to write extensively.  Maybe I am worried that my house is leaking here and there due to the renovation next door.

Maybe I need to talk to you, Sarah.  I don't know.

Of the 10 Laws, I think I should pay attention to Law number 9.

mm

31/12/20 ***My new year resolution

1. Stay away from Pal at all costs
2. Stick with OMAD for 6 months
3. 10 k run every other day

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

·

30s

@elsDines

@traxxfmofficial

#traxxfm Thanks for the song baby. You know Els, ever since I quit Nicorette and sugar, my life had been very ordinary. No more dopamine fluctuation. I am very sober indeed.

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

·

7s

@elsDines

@traxxfmofficial

#traxxfm Next year is gonna be a quiet year as *f[o]r (far) as the business is concerned. I don't want to lead you on but I think next year is a no-go as far as the PENJANA engagement is concerned.

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

·

27s

@elsDines

@traxxfmofficial

#traxxfm I predict next year many more businesses will be in trouble. I decided that the first half of next year is for me to incubate. I will be spending time to pursue personal goals.

mm 

31/12/20 ^^^I am losing the basic touch

 Since I started OMAD, I had lost the magic of Nicorette.

I am as normal as possible.

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

·

20s

@elsDines

@traxxfmofficial

#traxxfm Thank goodness it is you! Looks like this gonna be a very memorable end of a decade after all.

I don't know why, but I think there are no more dopamine fluctuations.  I feel as ordinary as possible.

For one, I am no longer interested to pursue the training business.

I am no longer interested to listen [] (to) Pal and his tall stories.

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

·

1m

@elsDines

@traxxfmofficial

#traxxfm I was planning to sleep early tonight so that I can wake up very early tomorrow morning. Looks like I'll change my mind and hang out with you until midnight. Spin me Remedy by Alesso will ya?

Fuck...  I will still sleep at 10:00 pm tonight.

------------------------------------------

Let's look at the real issue here.  I am no longer influenced by dopamine fluctuations.

Tonight we are eating pizza.

The past one week I had been slacking.

mm

31/12/20 ^^^Ending the year with sobriety

 The first thing that comes to mind is to stay away from Pal.

I hope his business will go under.  Then it makes sense to stay away from him.

Even if his business goes on well, I don't want to be a part of that business.

I want to stay microscopic.

---------------------------------------

I am feeling the dopamine void.

Feel much better after the 3-in-1 coffee.

----------------------------------------

My life is already OK without Pal.  I don't need the extra money.  What I have now is sufficient for me to live a happy and fulfilled life.

mm

>>>#31/12/20 I already had the 4:30 am groove etched in my mind

 I woke up without the need for an alarm.

I also noticed that I am more comfortable wearing the bifocal over the old single focal.

Of course, I am almost back [back] to my old weight due to the buffet last night.  Whatever it is, nothing to be alarmed about.  For the past 5 days, I ate carbs like nobody's business.

I was agitated since I relapse on carbs.

Darn, I am too lazy to exercise.

Suppose I just continue to be lazy.  What will happen?  I will not achieve my 2020 Quit Sugar goal.

Be ahead of myself.

Fuck...  I just let 2020 pass.

What will be the parting thought of 2020?

HORLICKS

Nope...  I got to fight this.  Today I better start reading David Goggins's book.  I lost momentum in the past 5 days.

Fuck, I love my Horlicks.

What's the worst-case scenario?

I fail to quit *[quit] sugar this year.

I should not omit carbs from my diet.  Suddenly I experienced carbs *[] (cravings) big time.

* Sarah, are you saying that you are not an illusion?  I don't know Sarah, I'm talking to a ghost here as far as I'm concerned.

mm

30/12/20 ***Let's set our direction for 2021

1. No more contacting Pal
2. No more thinking about earning extra income
3. No more sugar
4. No more dealing with Els

 I looked back and I can say that I had 2 phases in my life; when I got fucked up smoking cigarettes and when I fucked up smoking dope.

Now that I had quit both, I should stay on course in becoming a hedonist hermit.

------------------------------------------------

I had decided to keep my world small.  It will be nice to earn extra money.  However all these are not necessary.

mm

>>>#30/12/20 I am overtaken by downcycle

 This is the 4th day.  I have no mood to exercise and I am into carbs like nobody's business.

This is part of my depression cycle.

Today is the last of the cycle.  If I can ride this, I will be OK.  I got to end this year with a bang.

It is known that carbs make me gain weight.  I will follow Jason Fung's model; eat once a day and avoid eating sugar and processed carbs. 

------------------------------------

Most importantly, I won my battle over Nicorette for this year.

Now is to win my battle over sugar.

mm