18/11/20 ^^^All I need to do is move with certainty

 I take it one step at a time.  Now I know where I am heading, I should focus on getting there.

With Els, I just minimize my scope to when she is on air.  I cannot afford to expand her role beyond that because that is her actual involvement.

Also, I intend to ride through the rough time.  I plan to quit Nicorette again tomorrow.  I must do this.  I must get well.  I am not being normal with this Nicorette chewing.

I also have to trust my secure attachment with Els.  That is the only way I can deal with the low dopamine these next few weeks.

I need to rely on the power of love.  Otherwise, I will always have to deal with the void.

I think I am stronger now.  I have to be mentally tough.  In order for me to win the battle, I must win over the depression.

From now on whatever negative thoughts I have are because of the dopamine void.  I'll fight it tooth and nail.

Don't worry about being judged.  That is the least of my worry.  I need to worry about Nicorette and sugar.  I need to worry about insulin.

I still intend to quit Nicorette before the year ends.

DON'T GIVE A FUCK AND DON'T FUCK UP.

I am succeeding in quitting social media and TraXX.  Now is to quit Nicorette.

I will do VENI at 5:00 am every morning.  I do VIDI on alternate days with VICI.  That way I spread my training over a week instead of compressing it in a day.

I only do VENI on Wednesdays.

This I must persist.  Today I was very sleepy.

I need to sleep early and wake up early.  

I NEED A ROUTINE.

I think I should not abandon Veni, Vidi, Vici.  I just do my level best.  This time slowly.