>>>#21/11/20 I did all the "wrong" things today

 I woke up at 10:00 am

I drank 3-in-1 coffee

I ate a Kinder Bueno chocolate wafer.

Guess what?  I feel fucking great!

 So what is the rationale here?  Am I being programmed to fail?

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I figured out that there is one continuous flow from where I was before to where I am going.  In the end, I am the sum total of who I am warts and all.

Meaning that I will do all those things that I did plus all those things that I will do.  I will still chew Nicorette and drink 3-in-1 coffee but I will exercise on daily basis.  What I'll do is probably reduce my rice intake and drink the 3-in-1 sparingly.

There is one exception.  That is if I am willing to go through 4 weeks of depression.

I decided to take the journey anyway.  This is still within 2020.  I must persist.

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I have to forwarn you, Sarah, things *[with] (will) get ugly.

* OK, if you don't mind then so be it.

Now, since I am in my chirpy mood, let me share with you the perspectives that I currently have.  This might change in the near future considering that I might get hit by the dark depression:

Perspective #1:  I need to SLOWLY ease into exercising.  Therefore I will only exercise 1 hour a day for this next month.

Perspective #2:  When I am depressed I sleep a lot.  Let it be.  I should listen to my body.  Sleep is medicine.  It deals with low dopamine.

Perspective #3:  I need to overcome my dependency on Nicorette and 3-in-1 coffee to feel good.  Therefore I have to go through the dopamine void for the next 4 weeks.

Perspective #4:  Whatever thoughts I have about all those people; Rex, Els, BJ, RR, and TraXX, in general, are just a perspective.  I cannot rely on my thoughts when I was feeling down.  I even deleted Cousera thinking that it was a waste of my time.  That is the Inner Demon talking.

Perspective #5:  Everything is governed by the neurotransmitters.  Change your state, change your destiny.

mm