Let's listen to the songs and see what inspiration they trigger...
My mind wandered to the movie Borat 2. When I think about it, I cannot help to think about the perception of the common folks about a land far away from their own.
I remember when I first arrived in the USA, I was like a wild monkey at the grocery store's fruit aisle.
I thought that going to the USA was like what I saw in the movies. In my mind, everything was possible. So on the first day I moved into my apartment, the first day the dorms opened, I paraded on the hood of my senior's 1973 Chevy Impala passing a block full of girls cheering at me. That was the first time I got a ticket from the campus police.
The first 2 years while I was there I was really a Jakun (a term we use in Malaysia to describe a person who had been living in the jungle and for the first time comes in contact with civilization). Yes, I was already crazy then. I didn't follow rules and regulations. I truly imagined that America is the land of the free.
Cigarettes at Eckerd Drug Store was only 85 cents a pack. So I smoked like a chimney.
The first thing in my mind was to get laid. So I got myself a girlfriend. Alas, I didn't pork her. I was saving that for our marriage...
OK, this is when the memory gets fuzzy.
Nope, I don't want to remember all that. Anyway, I told you the story of my past.
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I don't want to remember any of my past. Like I told Pal, a lot of my memories had been repressed. When I look back, I was a very different person then as compared to me now. I was a real Dickhead. I was a Dickhead throughout my life. I think I am still a Dickhead now. A much older and wiser Dickhead but a Dickhead still.
What's wrong with me Sarah? Why am I so different? Why can't I be normal?
Shucks... It's the illness, isn't it? I am wired this way. My goodness, I am wired to be a Dickhead. I am an abnormal deviant.
Now I know why I don't like to listen to Habibi. He played all the 80s songs. Those were not the years I was on my best behavior.
I better switch to 24/7 Continuous.
Come to think of it, I only started being sober last year. The rest of the years were really me wasting away. I owe it to you, Lizzie and Els.
I guess that was the damage of not being loved since childhood. Well, I'm glad I realized that NOW. I'm glad I have a roof on top of my head, a new car to drive around, and a loving family that stick with me through thick and thin.
I better say hi[gh] (hi) to Lizzie and the kids.
Brb...
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Righto, I decided to start being accountable for my life beginning from 2019, when I won over the 3 Cs. That is the year that really matters.
The rest of them were really the years I was living with a chip on my shoulder and a monkey on my back. I thought I was free. In reality, I was creating layers upon layers of false beliefs that I was invincible. The truth is I was hurting pretty badly.
Of course, I have empowering beliefs too; what I can imagine I can do and whatever I believe is already real to me.
Looking back at my life, I would say that the single reason for my success is I am smart. My mom said I am a genius. Not in terms of IQ but in my ability to invoke my multiple intelligences. That I would say is my strength as a Divergent Thinker.
If I begin on a clean slate and never to look back, then I am really is not Din Jamal or whoever I claimed myself to be. I am really S. Rudin ver 2.0; an entirely different animal altogether. In reality, since 2019 I was already entering a phase that was completely detached from my murky past.
I commemorate that with the purchase of Josie, my car, and settling all my debts.
This is akin to me moving to Alaska and start a new life at the Frontier. This is really a new beginning for me.
Many things happened since then. It was the time I shrunk my perimeter. That was the year I had my Holy Fuck. Honestly, I was given a new lease of life in 2019. Of course, that was the end of the 20 years curse.
mm
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