25/11/20 ^^^Today I confirmed that there is no pattern with Els

 Since there is no pattern, then there is no connection whatsoever.

I must be able to remain autonomous all the time.

There is no connectivity between me and Els.

What is more relevant for me now?  To be in limerence or to live life fully mindful that I was delusional?

The best is to RIPCORD.  This was my rational decision for quite some time already.

Let's face it.  I need to break a cocaine-like addiction.  I don't know what a cocaine [] addiction is like but definitely, any form of addiction is bad.   Like right now I am addicted to nasi lemak and 3-in-1 coffee.  I hope those are only temporary replacements for Nicorette.

I have to decide on my addiction to Els.  It is better that I quit.  Even if she is my wife, she is my Unit Trust that I cash in the next 21 years.

When I quit Nicorette, I have no more attraction to Els.

Like I said, it is nonreciprocating.  What's more, today I confirmed that there is no pattern.

As it is the relationship is a guessing game.  If I have to keep on guessing, then I say it is really a delusion.

JUST WALK AWAY...

What is so difficult?  I can still listen to her.  It's just that I am protecting myself from being hurt by her nonreciprocating behavior.

Honestly, Sarah, I'm really fed up with Els.  It's not working out.

I was in limerence.

I need to read the book Love and Limerence and get over this experience once and for all.

Two reasons:

• It is nonreciprocating 
• There is no pattern

Plus after I quit Nicorette, I really have nothing to say to her.  She is just another chick that comes and goes.

I wish I can say something nice to her but really, there is nothing because of the two stated reasons.

Why should I let her decide on my happiness?  Why do I choose to see things that are not there?

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I never get a chance to see it from her perspective.

I figured it is a very easy decision, just choose a favorable radio station.  In this case, I chose Lite.

I need to be inspired.  Els is not inspirational of late.  She is becoming complacent with her choice of songs.

The only person I can say who is at the top of his game is Rex.  Even the Shaz is getting stale.  So is Greenman.

I need to get out of the Traxx vortex.  Otherwise, I will be sucked into conformity.  Of all the things that I fear, I think conformity is among the top things I fear most.  So I better exit before I start conforming.

mm