All this while I was under the influence of dopamine. I need to change my lifestyle. I cannot be relying on insulin and sugar all the time.
Hey Sarah, let's go with the flow and see where is this taking us.
I kinda like this no Nicorette, no sugar routine. Rice alone is not that bad. Combine with Nicorette and 3-in-1 Coffee, then the problem gets compounded.
I am in a cocoon right now. In this cocoon, I feel safe and protected. I cannot pin it down yet. Is it the cold weather, the Barbershop playlist, or the newly arrived Swiss Army Altitude? Whatever it is, I feel very serene indeed.
The Swiss Army is not something I can do away with. It gives me peace of mind.
Now all I need to do is be thin.
That I think my current strategy will work:
- Sleep early
- Wake up early
- Exercise for 1 hour
- Skip breakfast
- No Nicorette
- No 3-in-1 coffee
- 1 serving of rice per meal
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This Barbershop Playlist is really neat.
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This is an article about limerence https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2018/05/love-or-limerence-11-signs-youre-in-a-fantasy-relationship/ In short, my relationship with Els is like taking drugs.
Even the tiniest of interactions with a limerent person’s “crush” tends to give them a rush and an intense sense of pleasure. This is rooted in the biochemical nature of love, which is very much like a drug addiction. Love lowers an individual’s serotonin levels to a similar level as those with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and lights up the reward centers of the brain, creating a euphoric dopamine high that is extremely difficult to detox from. Dr. Helen Fisher discovered that the brains of people in love resemble the brains of cocaine addicts. This is why you may experience a deep withdrawal effect when the object of your affection is not around or when they’ve withdrawn from you.
Shit, after reading the case study, I realized that I am just a crazy person. I am too emotionally intense. I think I am a classic INFJ. My emotion is way off the normal level.
With Els, I am indeed experiencing limerence.
Here is a choice for me: I can break away from her or I can carry on.
I feel bad if I break away from her. At the same time, I don't see the point of continuing the relationship. It is nonreciprocating.
This is not an either-or question. It can be an either-and situation.
As long as I am aware of my actions, I will be Ok.
Do take note that the limerence is gone when I quit Nicorette. Therefore me quitting 3-in-1 coffee and sugar will help much in my recovery.
All this while, I am a thrill seeker. I crave dopamine. I need to change my personality profile from now on.
No more rebellious mindset. Now I just chill and go with the flow.
I plan to get to the bottom of this. Waiting at the end of the corner is Dark Depression.
The challenge of health and happiness is to win over depression. I am not worried about mania. I know how to deal with it. Just don't take stimulants and don't get overexcited.
How do I strike the balance? By taking Jacobs Wheat Crackers when I feel my sugar is lo2w.
Fuck everybody else. I don't owe them a living. I am here to find the right formula for me to attain health and happiness.
So the game is still about a sound mind and a sound body.
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I should not reinforce my worldview with Pal's worldview. As much as there are a lot of differences between me and Pal, there are a lot of similarities too. For one thing, I cannot stand his attention to detail. These are additional hurdles for me. With Pal, it is just an illusion of control. It's just a waste of time.
I rather not have much money than having to deal with a meticulous perfectionist. It's enough I am one. I don't need another one to compound my anxiety.
This is a good life. It is an idyllic life sailing down the river, just controlling the sail and rudder.
Suppose I am a sailor on this 21 years cruise. What will I do while I am cruising?
- Certainly, I will listen to the radio.
- I'll read books
- I'll watch movies
I guess the best part of being a sailor is to just be by yourself.
mm
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