I am fighting my own battle. I still get a nagging headache. Looks like I have to endure a little discomfort until the end of this year.
I ate 2 rice today. Tackling that will be next on the agenda.
I win the war one battle at a time.
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I am letting go of Els. She is a lost cause. Actually, she [played] played her game very well. She doesn't say that she wants to dump me, she still leads me on. Hence she put me in a spot. I still hang on to her because she still attends to me. At the same time, she is playing an elusive game by not making it obvious.
Fuck it... She is just a limerence. She doesn't like to be dumped, so she makes sure there is a line she can hold on to.
The question is; is the line worthwhile for me to hold on to?
Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one's feelings reciprocated.
The key here is I expect a reciprocating relationship. She reciprocated but she was not being obvious. So subtle that it may not be worthwhile to mention.
OK, I can't expect a perfect relationship.
Fine then. Rather than putting her on the pedestal, I just treat her as a time filler. Part of the problem is me. I came in too strong. Suppose I treat her like an ordinary FOMO chick, then I'll be OK.
So far I had put her on the pedestal. Hey, I can always bring her down.
As it is, she is a unit trust account. I'm not going to cash now. So looking at the entire duration, I say I just take a slow train to China and enjoy the ride.
The key here is to not lose control. All I need to do is define the paradigm and play within the paradigm. I still decide on the rules.
mm
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