It was limerence alright. She doesn't value add in whatever way. Worse, it is a nonreciprocating relationship.
I am better off treating her just like the other TraXX announcers.
Today my goal is to just listen to her.
I should realize that limerence is an addiction. It's the effects of the chemicals on my brain.
In reality, she is like any other chicks. Actually, she is worse. She doesn't acknowledge my existence.
The idea here is to see that a spade is a spade.
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Whatever opportunity I had, I blew it 2 1/2 years ago when I self-proclaimed that she is [] (my) wife.
How can I imagine that I am married to her if I am [] (not) even sexually attracted to her?
This limerence will go away eventually. All I got to do is cut it off.
The mind can be very convincing. Even a delusion can be very convincing. This is one of those. A loving relationship is reciprocating. This is none of that sort.
So I can say that I am a pretty delusional guy.
Why play with narrow odds?
My turnaround came when I realized [that] that limerence can only go so far. Beyond that point is simply the feeling of loath.
I simply cannot push it any further. Here I am a dignified person, stooping to my lowest level to seek approval from a person who treats me like dirt.
That is not right.
In the first place, I was not being socially apt. I was not thinking about her feelings. I was riding on the dopamine high.
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Still, there is a tiny possibility. Otherwise, this limerence won't work.
For one, she never rejected me.
Second, she did reciprocate with the songs. The evidence is the Mental Orgasm.
Third, i[t] (if) I don't set a high expectation, meaning I am willing to be treated like dirt, I *wo[r]ld (would) be OK.
* What are you saying, Sarah? Don't think too much about it?
I am no longer in the mood to play with her.
Actually, I can still play. All I need to do is play according to my rules.
Well, we agreed not to make any major decision while I am withdrawing from Nicorette and sugar,
The decision, in this case, is to go with the flow.
As it is I don't feel any affection whatsoever towards her.
She sounded like a nuisance.
She is reciprocating:
Then again I might be imagining things.
She is reciprocating alright:
The idea is to play according to my rules.
Even when the options are narrow, I should still play it according to my favor.
One approach is to not give a fuck.
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I would say that the critical success factor is to have an I don't care attitude.
If I care so much, I am trying to be in control of a situation that I cannot control in the first place.
Like this Els thing. She is probably a person who is at the opposite end of the spectrum.
Here I am doing all the thinking for nothing really.
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I decided that I am not going to introspect too much into my situation.
Do what makes you happy - Sashi.
I decided that Els is a very narrow odd. Based on the overall assessment, I would say that she is pretty much a world on her own.
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Actually, the way around this conundrum is to reject the notion that I was crazy.
Like I said, don't give a fuck.
Anyway, there is no pattern whatsoever.
I'm really fed up with the whole thing. What I really need is a good fuck
Once I get my fuck I will be happy for the next year at least.
mm
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