I am listening to the Van Halen Greatest Hits. The attitude of this posting is Everything Counts, but Nothing Matters. I had taken the Apple and No Apple attitude far enough. Now is to look at Firm is Firm and Emptiness is Emptiness.
I am not going to stop with my Vision Quest. It matters to me to win over this illness of mine. After all, what counts is my ability to pursue health and happiness. As it is, what counts is for me to be thin and fast. This is the path I had chosen. I am going on a personal crusade to fight for my cause.
Consider that these next 2 months I am going on seafaring. I need to achieve my goals for 2020 in order for me to launch my next plan to tackle the 21 km Hill Run in 2021. I cannot let my circumstances get me off my track. If I am looking for excuses, I can always find one.
Today I slipped with OMAD and Nicorette. The challenge is always about striking a balance between having the dopamine surge and void. I need to find a way to deal with it. I had a discussion again with Lizzie a few days ago about quitting the medication. Her answer is no.
Can I overcome the side-effect of medication and still achieve my goal? The way to do it is by continuing my dependency on Nicorette. What I'll do is I stop the Nicorette until I have my first meal of the day.
Today I was on the verge of being an invalid due to low sugar. Fine then, I'll push to the brink and then I pull the brakes *[if] if the road gets too bumpy.
* You are an angel Sarah. Thanks for being my eyes when I cannot see.
When I look at Dean Karnazes and Scott Jurek, I realized that these people are supermen. They have a higher tolerance for pain than I do. That's what I have to do. Keep hitting the glass wall like the 99 Wolves.
I have to do my level best all the time. Be patient and be persistent like Sisyphus and Icarus. This is only day 4. Did Michelangelo suffer? Of course, on daily basis, when [] (he) painted the Sistine Chapel.
I cannot have a defeatist mentality. For goodness sake, I encountered situations worst than this. So what if the medication is a dopamine antagonist? I can still walk. I can still sleep early every night. This too shall pass...
What I don't want is to let time pass me by. All I got is time. It is my commodity. I am Time Affluent. I can do whatever I like with my time. With time I can shape a compelling future. That is what I intend to do.
William Gan encountered degenerative disc disease at 70. By 73 he was at the top of his form. How did he do it? None other than by being patient and persistent.
So tonight I will keep on persisting. I will be as William Gan. I will keep pushing the boundary until I make it. I had done it before.
Maybe I should not quit the medication. So far I had been relying on Lizzie's good judgment when comes to many things. I do hope, God I do hope she is right when comes to this. It is real suffering for me to deal with the dopamine void.
Before I decide to quit the medication next year, I will do my level best to fight the dopamine void this next 5 1/2 months. I WILL NOT GIVE UP!
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