Nothing matters if I lose my private battle. I don't have much time. In 4 years time, I will be crossing 60.
I don't think I want to meddle with social media and chase after rainbows.
I want to live a profound life as an elderly person.
Enough of living with Bipolar. The swings...
I want to stay in the background.
I think I can do away with Els. I'll listen to her but I will not be hooked on her. Time to wake up. The cycle is complete. Just move on.
After all, she is not reciprocating.
I'll keep my world small.
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As I said many times, everything counts but nothing matters.
I should be able to leave the shore and look for new land. In my case, the new land is none other than the very land I left a long time ago.
I am ready to be a monk. I am ready to follow the footpath of David Goggins.
I want to be in isolation. The timing cannot be any better.
I will not cut off Els entirely, but I will not spend my time with her more than necessary.
I think I am cured of my limerance for her. I am ready to move on.
Do nothing that is of no use - Miyamoto Musashi.
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My feeling for Els is a sense of joy, knowing I had loved her with all of my heart. Now is to let the kite fly high. I will probably see her in 21 years' time.
Until then, I am no longer in the mood for her. Mainly because she is nonreciprocating.
Who knows, if I am in the mood, I will attend to her.
Otherwise, a Warrior Walks Alone.
The minute I quit Nicorette is the day I am no longer under the influence of dopamine surge.
FOCUS ON THE MISSION.
Sleep at 10:00 pm, wake up at 5:00 am
mm
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